Up, up, up your premium Up, up, up your premium
Scribble away And balance the books
Scribble away But balance the books
It's fun to charter an accountant
And sail the wide accountancy
To find, explore the funds offshore
And skirt the shoals of bankruptcy
It can be manly in insurance
We'll up your premium semiannually
It's all tax-deductible We're fairly incorruptible
Sailing on the wide accountancy
Sail away...
Why are we here
What's life all about
Is God really real
Or is there some doubt
Well, tonight we're going to sort it all out
For tonight it's The Meaning of Life
What's the point of all this hoax
Is it the chicken and the egg time
Are we just yolks
Or perhaps we're just one of God's little jokes
Well, �a, c'est le meaning of life
Is life just a game
Where we make up the rules
While we're searching for something to say
Or are we just simply spiraling coils
Of self-replicating DNA
Nay, nay, nay, nay, nay, nay Nay, nay, nay, nay
What is life What is our fate
Is there heaven and hell
Do we reincarnate
Is mankind evolving or is it too late
Well, tonight here's The Meaning of Life
For millions
This life is a sad vale of tears
Sitting round with really nothing to say
While scientists say
We're just simply spiraling coils
Of self-replicating DNA
Nay, nay, nay, nay, nay, nay Nay, nay, nay, nay
So just why Why are we here
And just what
What, what, what do we fear
Well, ce soir for a change
It will all be made clear
For this is The Meaning of Life
C'est le sens de la vie
This is The Meaning of Life
There are Jews in the world
There are Buddhists
There are Hindus and Mormons and then
There are those that follow Mohammed
But I've never been one of them
I'm a Roman Catholic
And have been since before I was born
And the one thing they say about Catholics
Is they'll take you as soon as you're warm
You don't have to be a six-footer
You don't have to have a great brain
You don't have to have any clothes on
You're a Catholic the moment Dad came
Because
Every sperm is sacred
Every sperm is great
If a sperm is wasted
God gets quite irate
Every sperm is sacred
Every sperm is great
If a sperm is wasted
God gets quite irate
Let the heathens spill theirs
On the dusty ground
God shall make them pay
For each sperm that can't be found
Every sperm is wanted
Every sperm is good
Every sperm is needed
In your neighborhood
Hindu, Taoist, Mormon
Spill theirs just anywhere
But God loves those who treat
Their semen with more care
Every sperm is sacred
Every sperm is great
If a sperm is wasted
God gets quite irate
Every sperm is sacred
Every sperm is good Every sperm is good
Every sperm is needed
In your neighborhood
Every sperm is useful
Every sperm is fine
God needs everybody's
Mine And mine
Let the pagans spill theirs
O'er mountain, hill and plain
God shall strike them down
For each sperm that's spilt in vain
Every sperm is sacred
Every sperm is good
Every sperm is needed
In your neighborhood
Every sperm is sacred
Every sperm is great
If a sperm is wasted
God gets
Quite irate
O Lord, please don't burn us
Don't grill or toast Your flock
Don't put us on the barbecue
Or simmer us in stock
Don't braise or bake or boil us
Or stir-fry us in a wok
Oh, please don't lightly poach us
Or baste us with hot fat
Don't fricassee or roast us
Or boil us in a vat
And please don't stick thy servants, Lord
In a Rotissomat
Listen to this.
Whenever life gets you down, Mrs. Brown
And things seem hard or tough
And people are stupid, obnoxious or daft
And you feel that you've had
quite enough
Just remember that you're standing
On a planet that's evolving
And revolving at 900 miles an hour
It's orbiting at 19 miles a second so it's reckoned
A sun that is the source of all our power
The sun and you and me and all the stars that we can see
Are moving at a million miles a day
In an outer spiral arm at 40,000 miles an hour
Of the galaxy we call the Milky Way
Our galaxy itself contains a hundred billion stars
It's a hundred thousand light years side to side
It bulges in the middle 16,000 light years thick
But out by us, it's just 3,000 light years wide
We're 30,000 light years from galactic central point
We go round every 200 million years
And our galaxy is only one of millions of billions
In this amazing and expanding universe
The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding
In all of the directions it can whizz
As fast as it can go The speed of light, you know
Twelve million miles a minute and that's the fastest speed there is
So remember when you're feeling very small and insecure
How amazingly unlikely is your birth
And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space
'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth
Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis
Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong
It's swell to have a stiffy It's divine to own a dick
From the tiniest little tadger to the world's biggest prick
So three cheers for your Willy or John Thomas
Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake
Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend, your percy or your cock
You can wrap it up in ribbons You can slip it in your sock
But don't take it out in public or they will stick you in the dock
And you won't come back
It's Christmas in heaven All the children sing
It's Christmas in heaven
Hark, hark, those church bells ring
It's Christmas in heaven
The snow falls from the sky
But it's nice and warm and everyone
Looks smart and wears a tie
It's Christmas in heaven
There's great films on TV
The Sound of Music twice an hour
And Jaws I, ll and lll
There's gifts for all the family
There's toiletries and trains
There's Sony Walkman headphone sets
And the latest video games
It's Christmas It's Christmas in heaven
Hip, hip, hip, hip hip hooray
Every single day
Is Christmas Day
It's Christmas It's Christmas in heaven
Hip, hip, hip, hip hip hooray
Every single day is...